When I tell people that Mary is disabled (which I do way more often than necessary, but more on that another time), I get a range of reactions. My favorite has always been "But she's so pretty!", as if disabilities and attractiveness are mutually exclusive. Other times, it's said to imply that Mary's beauty is a consolation prize, which admittedly, it is. Her round cheeks, long blond hair, blue "Disney" eyes (my sister's term), and perpetual smile go a long way towards helping Mary in her interactions with others. Being pretty makes life easier for anyone, and Mary can use all of the help she can get.
I keep Mary well groomed and in coordinated outfits as often as possible. People comment on what a fashion plate she is, and admire her hairstyles and earrings. Frequently, I see other disabled kids with utilitarian wardrobes and haircuts, and I wonder what their parents are thinking. Yes, my life would be easier if I didn't have to struggle with tangles and scrub out the endless food stains on her clothes, but what fun would that be? If I let Mary go through life unadorned, am I saying that she's not worth the trouble of being dressed well? Making Mary pretty sends a message to the world, and to her teachers at school, that she is loved and cherished, even if she can't fully appreciate it.
Or can she? When I took Mary to get her ears pierced at the age of 2 (I know, kind of tacky, but I couldn't resist), I showed her the choices for earrings. Though non-verbal at the time, she immediately made the sign for "I want." She barely cried during the piercing, and I think she was only protesting being held still. And today, if you ask her who the most beautiful girl in the world is, she loudly proclaims "Me!" She chooses her outfits and earrings each day with delight, and claps when her hairdo for the day is finished. She may just be glad that I'm done torturing her tender scalp with a hairbrush, but I choose to believe that she takes pride in how she looks.
Pretty counts, people.
You're my favorite niece named Laura, and Mary ... well, she's just my favorite!! Love you, honey.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your two posts! I prefer to laugh, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I too, went to college to be a teacher, but I quit the day after Labor Day. I said I was NOT going to deal with those behavior problems, I would just have my own kid. My son was born the following summer and dx with SMS 18 months later. How's that for God's sense of humor??
Love it!
ReplyDeletei totally agree! and yes she is pretty! love and hugs from another blogging mummy of a pretty little girl with sms xxxxx
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blogs Laura. I tried to keep my giggles quiet so as to not wake up my sleeping 12 year old SMS daughter. Who strips nakey to sleep and dresses in warm fleecy jammies for day wear and prefers to wear a hat rather then brushing her hair! Her name is Chanty and she is beautifully not groomed..lol I am going to add your blog to my list of blog.
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