Gratitude

      Yesterday, the nakey-pants situation hit its apex. Mary so thoroughly trashed her bedroom carpet with a torn-apart dirty diaper that we had to throw it out. For the past couple of years, I have worked really hard at trying to see the good in all things, a challenge for my cynical nature. So her carpet is gone, and I will have to spend money on a new one. At least I will no longer have to deal with the handfuls of shag fiber that Mary rips up nightly, which drift through the house and stick to our clothes. As Ma Ingalls said, there is no loss without some small gain. Forgive the Little House reference - I just completed my annual re-reading of the series.

     Life is truly like that, though. As much as my grumpy side hates to admit it, there are upsides to most things in life. Having a disabled child means that my life is more difficult, yes, but at least it excuses me from having to serve on the PTSA. I still do a fair amount of community service - volunteering in my son's class weekly, being a Little League team mom, and sitting on the library's board of trustees - but I have a great excuse for not taking on any more than I can handle. I can say no with a clear conscience, instead of avoiding the recruitment efforts of the power moms on the playground.

     We live in an 1100-square-foot Cape Cod. When we purchased it eight years ago, it seemed large enough (to me, anyway - Gary has always maintained that it is a starter home), but two kids later, we are a little cramped. The house is sixty years old, and although it does have new windows and central air, it also features tiny closets and original kitchen cabinetry. While I may lust after self-closing utensil drawers, I can take comfort in the fact that I never had to childproof my tongue-and-groove oldies, because they require a stiff yank. While we did have a baby monitor, we never really needed to use it, because we can hear Mary loud and clear through the walls. Of course, this also means that the kids can hear everything we do in our room, but I'll think about that another time.

    I intentionally stopped working when Ben was two. I was ready to have another baby and be a stay-at-home mom until the kids were in school, knowing that if I needed to, I would go back to work. Well, now I need to, but I can't. The cost of a private nanny (because very few daycares would take a non-toilet trained four-year-old) would eat up my paycheck.  So, as broke as we are, we have so much to be grateful for. Many members of my family hire me to clean their houses or do other small jobs while Mary is at school. They are kind enough to act as if I am doing them a favor, when in reality they are buying my groceries. One relative has supplied me with freelance writing jobs, which gives me needed cash as well as a little pride, and keeps my brain from turning to mush. Our economic misfortune has made me appreciate what I do have - a super-supportive family.

     The loss of Mary's carpet had another small gain. It appears that she actually slept in her bed last night. Since she graduated from her crib, Mary has slept on the floor every night. Lately, she has been pulling down her blanket and pillow, which made me feel a little better about the situation. Maybe losing the carpet was the push that she needed.

     Of course, this means I'll have to start changing her sheets.