What a Good Boy

In the interest of fairness, and to round out my story, this post will be about my 8-year-old son Ben. The parents of disabled children tend to get a lot of sympathy, but the siblings aren't often considered. Ben is shockingly patient and kind to Mary, even as she rejects his affections constantly. He understands when we have to suddenly go home from someplace fun, thanks to Mary's behavior, with more maturity than I have. I'll be sitting in the car, flushed and embarrassed from her outbursts, and irritated with her for ruining yet another dinner out, and Ben will serenely say, "It's OK, we can just get Chinese." 


Ben is a regular almost-third grader, who loves fart jokes and his iPod, recently recovered after a two-hour shovel-out of his bedroom. He forgets to wash his hands, talks back, and prefers Disney XD to reading a book.  A three-sport kid, we spend many hours at practices and games, which Mary hates and protests loudly. I still make her go sometimes, though. I figure that it's the least she can do for him, considering the disruptions she causes in his life.


A study of siblings of disabled children, conducted by PRISMS, concluded that they are more likely to be empathetic, and that they are glad to have their siblings, despite all of the difficulties that go along with them. Ben likes to talk about Mary's future. "When Mary gets older" stories are common topics of discussion in our house. He is hopeful, sure that she'll speak intelligibly, and go with his for ice cream once he gets his license. I've tempered his expectations with a dose of reality, but I don't want to crush his dreams about her.


He mourns, in his own way. His new cousins, both under 2, delight him in a way that Mary doesn't. They interact with him, are happy to see him, and soon will start talking to him. He asks for another sibling, but that's not happening. This factory is closed! But I get it - he wants a sibling to relate to, to play with, who will respond to him with something other than cries of distress and kicks. 


What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.