Girls Who Like Boys

     My daughter is boy crazy. Let me amend that - she is man crazy. At Ben's last soccer practice, she sat on one dad's lap and tickled his beard, grabbed a second dad from behind and tackled him to the ground, and asked a third dad to pick her up, and hugged him like he was a long-lost friend. The moms, she completely ignores. There is something about men that she just loves, which is cute. For now.


     Believe it or not, she is now showing a little restraint. Less than a year ago, she was marching up to complete strangers and hugging them. She was at an unfortunate height for this, as she was (and still is) crotch-height to most men. These poor guys don't know what to do. They look terrified, as if Chris Williams is going to pop out with his camera crew. The men would typically freeze, afraid to touch her lest I scream "Pervert!" in the middle of the grocery store. Adding to the awkwardness,  I get to detangle Mary from their waists, touching the belts of perfect strangers.


     Her one-to-one aide this year was a man, a rarity. He is wonderful with her, and she adores him. He has a longish goatee which she pulls with glee, and as a result, she now tries to touch the beard of every man she sees. I used this fancy of hers to convince my husband to grow his beard again. He gave it up a few years ago when I convinced him to try a new haircut, after 10 years of the exact same center-parted 90s slacker 'do. All of the female attention he received made him love his new look, which is great, but I miss the beard, like I'm sure he misses my much-smaller ass of our high school days. Sadly, Mary did not care for his beard, and he did not care for the grays that appeared in it, so off it went.


    She's not even five yet - what am I in for? Right now, she is the lone girl in a class of twelve. Since special ed classes tend to be boy-heavy, Mary will have plenty of opportunities for more age-appropriate crushes in the future. Once she discovers boys her own age, you'll find Gary and I at the local hunting store, shopping for shotguns. Kidding, of course!


Sort of.